The Marathon of Motherhood

In my “very limited” experience as a runner, I have had the experience of needing to catch my second wind. I have had to do the self-talk of keeping my eye on the finish line, of telling myself that, “You can do it, Colleen. Just run to the next street sign, just run to the next water station, just run to the next light pole.” There is nothing quite like crossing the finish line, when my greatest fear is being carried home by Draper Police in a squad car. Motherhood also has its “self-talk” moments. A few days ago, Katelyn was hit with a sudden attack of the stomach flu and I was hit with a sudden need to quickly find the carpet shampooer. As I looked at her dinner, spread all over the carpet, I just wasn’t sure if I had it in me to continue the motherhood marathon. Some days, facing a mountain of laundry, I have to tell myself “just one more load--you can do it-just one more load.” Some nights, facing my hundredth sixth grade book report--I must motivate myself--”Just one more trip to All-A-Dollar for poster board, come on Colleen, you have it in you.” And right now, with eleven classes behind me and one more to go, the self-talk has had to be rather stern, “Just one more book, you can make it, just turn the page.”

I am so glad that I have my summer running memories and the lessons learned on the Porter Rockwell trail to remind me that I can “finish the race that is set before me.” I am thankful for sisters who have been there to cheer me on. I am thankful to daughters who have believed in me. I am thankful for neighbors who have manned the water stations along the way. I am thankful that there is always a T-shirt to be had at the end of every race. I am thankful for Rudyard Kipling who said, “If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew,To serve your turn long after they are gone--then yours is the earth and everything in it...” But mostly, I am thankful for that large box of truffles I have hidden in the back of my closet--that makes every race--and every book just a little bit more bearable!

Me and Mr. Mac

It is back to school today but at ten times the speed on my new MacBook Pro. In addition to my new computer, I also got Mac’s One to One service which hooks me up with one of those highly intelligent beings who inhabit all Mac stores. Geeky guys in matching t-shirts, girls with cat-eye glasses and pierced noses, men wearing turbans; oh, how I love them all. There is just nothing like pulling a stool up to the Genius Bar at the end (beginning) of the day and discussing I-Chat and my Finder menu. Perhaps it is only a thrill that can be understood by my fellow bar mates. Sometimes the generation ahead bemoans the one behind and wonders if the world is going to hell in a handbasket. An hour at the Mac store with the bright young minds of tomorrow, always reassures me that things are going to turn out fine. And is it just a coincidence that my One to One homeboy’s name is Adam? Sharing an Apple together has opened my mind to endless possibilities. Thanks Steve, for making my life a lot easier and a lot more fun.

Hibiscus and Poinsettias

Sometimes in the garden of life you simply get to have it all!

(no copyright violations occurred in the posting of these pictures--they are mine!)

Thou Shalt Not Steal!

Whoa, just learned my lesson.  There I was in the middle of the big paper when I lost  my internet service.  After trying all the usual, I called Qwest where I was politely informed by "Jack" in India that a criminal such as myself would no longer have access to the Internet.  Someone in our home had downloaded copyrighted material. Of course, I knew it was one of my boys pirating a song or something.  After an hour of chit/chat between me and New Dehli, I was told that when I removed the offending material I would be given a second chance on the world wide web.  They sent me an email instructing me what needed to be changed.  Lo and behold, my Donny picture was contraband. Like Tiger, I have learned my lessons this week, if you are going to post a picture of your idol, make sure that you are legally and lawfully married to them! (Maybe this explains the comments in Japanese I have been receiving lately too!)

Dancing With Donny

Heather and Dave dropped by this week on their way to a “paid” performance of their ballroom routine.  I am trying not to live my life through my children, but in this one area I simply must give in. It gave me my “ballroom” fix for the week now that Dancing With the Stars is over for the season. For the past nine weeks, Katelyn and I would plop ourselves down on the couch each Monday night and watch as couples cha-chaed, tangoed and waltzed their way into our living room. In the final show, I was torn between who should win, Kelly “Cinderella” Osbourne or Donny “He Still Has It” Osmond. Kelly reminded me that we are all princesses deep down inside and Donny reminded me that life and sexuality do not end at fifty.  Katelyn reminded me that, “that is sooo gross.”   Dancing With The Stars is so popular because it takes people who have never danced and makes dancers out of them.  (O.K., that is a major over-simplification because obviously most of those who win were already dancers, but that is the premise.)  The reason that Donny and Marie got so many votes though, I am convinced, is because they had all the middle-aged women of America voting for them.  Maybe, they were also voting for themselves saying, “Hey, if they can do it, so can I.”  Maybe, they were voting for Marie because they were watching the pounds melt off and thinking, “Hey, if she can do it, so can I.”  Maybe, they were voting for Donny because even though he was performing those seductive moves with Kym he had his eye on his wife, Debbie. The women voting reminded themselves, “If their marriage can be vital after all these years, maybe mine can stay intact too.” Donny won this year—the year I turn 50, my teen idol has now been replaced by a man whose picture graces the cover of AARP magazine. He is still my idol, but now it is because he is such a hard worker and so polite (that Argentine Tango didn’t hurt either). But honestly, my tears flowed last week with Kelly’s partner, Louis, as they took third place. I cried, as I watched a teenage rocker who dropped the F-bomb as often as she missed a step, transform herself into My Fair Lady. I reminded myself, “Hey, never judge any book by its cover.” Besides, Kelly taught us all the magic of being a girl.              And Katelyn, honey, I know that you just can’t even picture it, but either Edward or Jacob, may someday, twenty years from now, take off their shirt on reality TV and your daughter will exclaim, “oh, sick!”

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12/4/09

Across the Universe

Jacob is studying space this week.  He went to “Space Camp” and actually came home from school excited instead of moaning and groaning about how boring it all is.  One of his math assignments revolved around the constellation Orion.  He had to figure out how many light years away each of the stars in the constellation are. With that very exciting opening to a blog, let me tell you why I have been thinking about Orion. When we look South on a winter evening we see “The Hunter.” It is one of the most easily recognized of the constellations. We don’t have to search too hard to find the ancient man with his belt and sword. From our

 vantage point here on earth, it would appear as if all the stars are in the same plane. However, if we were to climb aboard a spaceship and fly towards Betelgueus or Rigel we would quickly find our perspective changing.  The stars that make up what we call Orion are light years apart. From a different vantage point high above the earth, we would never be able to pick out the familiar broad shoulders of the hunter.  We would however, as the Hubble telescope has shown us, have our eyes opened to a universe, beautiful beyond anything we can imagine as we stare into the nighttime winter skies. It is all about vantage points.

 In a similar vein, I have picked up pencil and tablet recently and begun trying to learn some the drawing skills that I gave up so many years ago.  Drawing is more about seeing than it is about moving a pencil on a paper.  If we are going to draw we have to take the time to really see what we are looking at.  One drawing book gives the example of drawing a tree.  When we think of a tree we often already have a fixed symbol in our mind that tells us what a tree looks like.  Often this symbol is one we developed in kindergarten and looks something like this.  In order to                                                                                                                                                           

 draw a more “adult” version of the tree we have to retrain our brain to look at a tree and see a tree as it truly is and not as the symbol that our brain has attached to it.  Our brains are very efficient when it comes to storing information and sometimes we have to override our brains by changing the way we look at things if we want to truly see things as they really are.

So much of life is like constellations and trees.  We have developed “efficient” and “simple” ways of looking at the world.  These models serve us well when we are doing sixth grade math or stamping Christmas trees on gift tags. However, if we want to stretch ourselves further and expand our horizons we need to look beyond.  Albert Einstein turned the Newtonian world of physics on its head by doing a gedankenexperiment or thought experiment.  He asked himself, “What would the world look like if I was riding astride a beam of light.”  From this question he developed what we call the theory of relativity—something I most likely will never grasp- but the point is he “thought outside the box.” Jumping astride a beam of light can be a little daunting at first. Putting pencil to paper and drawing what you actually see can be daunting also. However, the more you do it the less scary it becomes.  S0 now that you are all wondering, “Where on earth is she going with this?”  Simply put, changing the way you look at life can be scary, changing the way you look at life can be exhilarating, changing the way you look at life can lead to new discoveries, changing the way you look at life is not always a bad thing. Like Einstein, sometimes solving a problem requires us to climb aboard a beam of light. Or like Peter, sometimes finding an answer requires us to step out of the boat and walk on water.

    

   

 

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